Taars

It is a never-ending struggle

To keep tires

On all of my motorcycles

The goddamned things

All seem to need rubber

At the same time

So I go through my routine

Of jacking and propping them up

On tubular racing stands

And with floor jacks

Sometimes suspending them from rafters

In precarious display

To allow for removal

Of their wheels

I shove a total of ten tires and rims

In my black 1993 S10 pickup

And drag them all

To the cycle shop in Lomita

For a mass mount and balance session

I slip Dwayne $40

And within a day

He mounts and balances them all

Expertly

El Monstro de la Cheapo

Living in L.A. has its benefits. For example, the bike marketplace is vast and occasionally bestows great values upon cheapskates like me. Here's a Y2K 750 Monster that I picked up one block away from the Sunset Strip a month ago for $900. The previous owner dumped it at low speed and wasn't too hip on fixing it, so he just wanted it to go away. It'll make a great communter for the wifey. Best of all, it's pre-crashed, so one doesn't have to go through all the karmic turmoil that derives from dropping an immaculate bike the first time. Remember. They were all brand new once...

Freak Accident

I had a completely full can of Krylon Gloss Black fall on the floor of my garage, puncture, spin around and splatter 2 of my racebikes today. Great. Just what I need. More obstacles. It took an hour, a pint of paint thinner and a stack of rags to clean the mess up. Luckily, Stone's 10th Anniversary IPA dulled the pain. Even more luckily, the paint only splattered racebikes and not anything nice. My wife said that the oil coating on most of the racebike surfaces simplified paint cleanup. It's all part of my strategy...

Views of Moto Guzzi Classics

Views of Moto Guzzi Classics

Ducati Shims

My stash

Of two-valve Ducati shims

Grows larger

With each engine I tear apart

As I disassemble each powerplant,

I pick the parts that I need

And tuck them away

In divided plastic storage containers

For future use

You can’t sell a set of Ducati two valve heads

For $200

But the parts inside

Are worth much more

And each head has

Two opening

And two closing shims

That can be measured with micrometers

And placed in the appropriate compartment

In its divided plastic storage containers

To be re-used

For future valve adjustments

Frosty

Celtic Frost are playing House of Blues in L.A. in October. I'm there.

More Bike Ur Poet Tree

The Rider’s Warehouse catalog has

Many motorcycle accessories

On its shining, colorful pages

Most of which

Are wholly unnecessary

In order for one

To enjoy a motorcycle journey

But like scavenger birds,

Yuppie douchebags

Are attracted to sparkly items

Which allow convenience

At the cost of

Simplicity and modesty

And, of course, cash.

If I ever got a flat tire on a ride

Or if my bike fell into a ravine

Or if my engine torched the crankshaft

And if someone produced a bright yellow

Plush Mr. Happy puppet

From the Aerostitch catalog

After such an accident

In order to console me

I would be compelled

To pluck it from their paw

And grind it into the ground

With my boot

And then cut it into ten similarly sized

Small yellow fuzzy pieces

And throw the whole mess

Into the nearest ditch.

I suppose that others will say

That I am possessed of distemper

For thinking such things

But then, I am a biker

So I don’t give a shit

What others think.

Nuthin to Say

I have very little to say today, so here's a gratuitous dog shot. Woof.

Guzzitech just shipped our our first parts order from Israel. Shalom.

Raced

.














I raced today at Willow Springs and ended up with first place in vintage lightweight and last place (i.e. third) in vintage heavyweight on wife Alice's Verlicchi framed Pantah. It was hot (though not as hot as July...) and I am whooped. She was out of town and I borrowed her bike. Don't tell Alice...

Factotum

I heard on NPR that there is a film version of Factotum coming out soon, starring Matt Dillon (of all people) as Henry Chinaski, Charles Bukowski's alter ego. I am amazed. Bukowski is probably doing backflips in his grave.

Elementary

I have discovered a new high tech element with which to make motorcycle parts. I call it "Unaffordium".

un uh ford ee um, n, An metallic element used to make racing components. It's not as rare as Unobtainium. If you ever make parts from it, though, your jaw will drop when you get the bill from your machinist.

You read it here first.

Dee Emm Vee

I'm off to the DMV to register four more vehicles today. Actually, I'm off to the AAA Auto Club, as they have an on site-DMV service that is significantly less brutal than the real Cali DMV. Thursday in the AM is a good time to process DMV stuff. Everyone either piles in on Monday after they buy that '82 Datsun over the weekend, or they wait until Friday to register that '82 Datsun they bought last weekend so they can cruise to the Swap Meet or to Wal Mart in it over the coming weekend. Nobody says "Damn! It's Thursday, and it's 9 AM already! I'd better get to AAA pronto or I'll miss those 11:00 AM reruns of "Riptide".

Here's another DMV tip. ALWAYS complement the ladies at the DMV on their hairdo or the photos of their kids that surround their workstation before you get down to business. It helps to smooth the process. :-)

Bike Ur Poet Tree

I walk among the rows of wrecks

At the Japbike junkyard

I see folded frames

And rotten rubber

And shattered glass

And a cacophony of cables: clutch, speedometer and throttle

And indistinguishable lumps of steel and aluminum

These bikes sit at odd angles, transfixed and uncomfortable

A hundred monuments to fractured freedom

I am sure that some were witness

To the mortal demise of their riders

But which ones?

Blood has likely been washed away by now.

Rust crawls like a moss across the place

Dragging the steel back its natural state

And aluminum oxide occurs

Frequently

What wise overseer

is entrusted with these testaments?

I think his name is Bubba.

*********************
WSMC racing this weekend at Willow Springs! Looks like it'll be a nice, balmy 90 degrees out there!

Poetry in Motion

Before:

After:

Here's some haiku in praise of the $10 paint job:

I drop the ten bucks

For Krylon Victory Red

Three cans of grandeur

Spray the pigment on

Red as the blood we bargain

In chasing glory

I take special pride

At passing other racebikes

With better paint jobs

Paint wont make you fast

Beauty is overrated

I'd rather be swift

More bad biker poetry coming soon... I promise.

Missing Mid Ohio

I skipped racing Mid Ohio this year with AHRMA. I needed the points, but it was just too freakin expensive to go. All told, it would have cost me around $2k to get myself and one bike there for 6 races. No, there is no cash payout when you win...I take that back. AHRMA trustee Mark Hatten arranged some class sponsorship. 1st place finishers in selected classes won $25. Oh, and BTW, races cost around $60 per class to enter. So why do I and hundreds of other AHRMA racers even bother? A:If you have to ask, you'll never know. Support your local road racer.

Here's a photo of Dick Mann and Tony Foale together from Mid Ohio. If you dont know who either of these two gents are, then you have some homework to do.

Congrats to Guzzi Motobox

One of Guzzitech's customers, Manel Segerra of Guzzi Motobox, just won an endurance race in Germany at Oschersleben by 3 laps. That's a huge lead. Congratulations to Manel and his teammates!

Cagiva Wacko

This dude is wacko. His name is Billy Click (is he related to Billy Zoom of X?) and he's building a Pantah framed supermotard. Wacko. I like it.

Beginnings

OK. I'm starting this blog late into the game. All the internet hipsters are already on to Instant Messaging Keno or some other horsecrap. This blog is an attempt to document all the Eyetalian bike worship, unrepentant punk rock, and other miscellaneous time wasting futility I pursue. Details to follow. Here are two more Cagiva Alazurras that will soon find themselves on the track at Willow Springs and elsewhere. There is a joyous component in taking unwanted, unused, abused, neglected bikes, building them up piece by piece and putting them on the racetrack. Especially when they are Ducatis.